THE REFORMED WITNESS HOUR"Training Our Children"Rev. Jai Mahtani(e-mail: Rev. Carl Haak) July 31, 2005; No. 3265 |
We return today to our series on
love for the stranger, love for our brethren, and, especially now, love for our children. For God is pleased to gather His people not only
from among men and women, but also the precious heritage of the Lord: the children that God is pleased to give to His
people.
We want to focus on that today
by considering the clear Word of God in Proverbs 22:6, where we read: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from
it.”
Consider this, really, as
introductory to some sermons on Christian parenting.
I have found, as a missionary, that God’s people who come to repentance and
faith have many questions with regard to the rearing of their children. Training our children is one of the most difficult
tasks of a godly Christian parent. I bring
this aspect of the series to you not because I think I have all the answers, but because I
believe the Bible does. My wife and I have
been blessed with eight children, ranging in age from 7 to 20 years. We have learned many things as we raised these
children. We have opened the Scriptures
together and have found that the Word of God has much instruction for us. Much comfort, too.
Psalm 127:3 reminds us, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and
the fruit of the womb is his reward.” We
saw last week that Peter declared in Acts 2:39, “For the promise is unto you, and to
your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall
call.” Therefore, it must be emphasized: Our children, too, belonging, first of all, to
God, must be loved and must be well trained.
Our text (Prov. 22:6) not only
commands us to train our children, but also comforts us with the promise that when the
child is old he shall not depart from it. Christian
parents who take their calling to raise their children in the fear of God seriously may
find good comfort in this Word of God.
Let us, then, consider this Word
of God: Training our children. The chief principle in the training of our
children is that of discipline. The word
“train” in the Hebrew means “to narrow,” not to broaden, not to let
loose, but to discipline. While all of us as
parents love to see our children walk in a godly way and in the fear of God, I’m
afraid that not all of us are willing to exercise ourselves in loving discipline for our
children. It is in the nature of children to
walk the broad way of sin, for they, like us, are prone to sin. The worldly and ungodly philosophy of education
is: Let the children go; let them express
themselves; let them explore. Godly parents
must recognize that this is wrong. We must
recognize that our children, just like us, must be governed by the principles of the Word
of God. This is not to say that we are blind
to the fact that God is pleased to give our children different gifts, different
personalities, so that we must give time and space and patience for growth into maturity. Nevertheless, we must train our children, we must
discipline them, so that they will not walk the broad way of destruction. That is why God has given these precious children
as tender lambs to godly parents. That is why
fathers in Ephesians 6:4 are exhorted: “Provoke
not your children to wrath: but bring them up
in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The
fifth commandment teaches us that we must love our children, even as it exhorts children
to honor father and mother. Both parents,
then, are involved in that training.
Yes, it is the responsibility of
both parents — father and mother. Both
must train their children, whether toddlers or teenagers — the young child as well as
the older child and young people. Our text in
Proverbs 22 uses the general word for child that refers to a child from infancy to
adolescence.
I want you to notice that this
text is indeed a call for us to love our children by exercising discipline. It is not only a promise, but also a serious
warning. Train up a child in the way he
should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
God uses means, the means of godly Christian parents. They are the most powerful means that God uses,
even from the cradle on, to teach the child the ways
of God. Such a child will not depart from the
faith.
But the text is also a warning. If you let the child go, if you do not train the
child, if you do not narrow the way but let the child go in the way that he wants to go,
in the way of sin, in the way of disobedience, in the way of rebellion, then do not
imagine, “Well, they are still young. As
they grow older they will realize…. Now
they can lie and they can cheat and they can do all kinds of things. But, oh, when they come to years of discretion,
they will be fine.” Instead of narrowing
the way with loving discipline, you let him or her sow some wild oats, so to speak. “After all, if he is a child of God, God
Himself will work repentance and faith in that child, will He not?” I say to you then, that you are in danger of
losing that child in the way of destruction, rebellion, and wickedness.
The means that God uses is the
diligent training given to children by godly parents and by teachers and by elders. There are different methods, of course, of that
training: spanking, grounding. And there must be also a place in that training
where we show pity and understanding and we listen to the children. All those things are important. But the basic principle of discipline, of
narrowing the way, directing them in the right way, must not be forgotten. I believe that in our day of much tolerance and
lack of discipline, this must be emphasized. The
lofty purpose for such training is to direct the child in the way he should go. Not in the way that he wants to go, but in
the way he should go. Not in the way
that the world wants our children to go, or what might be politically right or acceptable,
but in the way the child should go. Do
not forget, I remind you again, by nature our children are no different from us. They are by nature sinners, prone to hate God and
to love sin. You believe that, do you not? In foolishness we must not be overly protective of
our children and begin to think that they are so innocent, so nice, so cute, so good. When they come home from school complaining that
the teacher is such and such, we believe our children and we say, “My child
wouldn’t do that! My child is not that
bad!” Truth is, only by the grace of God
are they the children of God. We must not
imagine that they will walk in the way of faith and repentance by the way of compromise.
There are only two ways that
children will go: the way of sin and
destruction, or the way of grace and glory. Godly
Christian parents are duty-bound to train their children in the ways of the Lord. They are commanded to lead these children in the
narrow way, instructing them and leading them by example.
Which way are you training your
children? Are you training them in what the
Scriptures call “the way,” that is, as revealed in Scripture: the way of Jesus Christ, the way everlasting, the
way unto the Father, so that they know with you that when we are saved by grace in Christ
then we walk in the way of godly faith and gratitude?
Or are you letting them go in
the way of death, the way of the world, of sin and darkness, so that there is in your home
an environment where sin is taken lightly, the Word of God is taken lightly, church
attendance is despised, and there is the idea that guidelines and rules are made to be
broken?
Godly, Christian parenting must
have this as the main goal: that our children
may walk in the way of God. We pray and we
desire that this is indeed the way that they will want to go as they grow up, that
they themselves begin to desire that way as the Holy Spirit works faith and
repentance in their hearts. We must train
them with that purpose and put before them clearly the way that they should go.
Now, does all this mean that
godly Christian parents have no interest in other aspects of the child’s development? Of course, they must also give careful attention
to the other spheres of life. The child needs
to grow physically. The child needs to grow
psychologically, emotionally, mentally. That
is all, of course, part of the training that godly parents must give their children. They must insure that their children are taught at
home and then at the Christian school. They
must not say, “It is not important which school our children go to.” They must make sure that what the children are
being taught at school is in line with the preaching and teaching of God’s Word and
with what is taught at home. In fact, I
believe that the Christian school is an extension of the home. It is the parents’ responsibility to train up
their children. They must not just give up
that responsibility to some school board or, worse yet, to a public school. They must make sure that they are involved in the
instruction of their children. Not all
parents are able to do that at home. And it
is, I believe, a very good thing that ever since Old Testament times, godly Christian
parents have banded together and employed teachers to focus their attention on the
instruction of children in Christian schools. I
believe that is proper. But it is still the
calling of the parents to make sure that their children are being well educated.
All this, after all, whether it
be in the physical, psychological, mental, or spiritual realm, must be for one purpose: that the child might go, not in the way of the
world, not in the way of humanism, but, ultimately, in the way they should go — in
that way that is pleasing to God. We must
teach them that all things, whether we eat or drink, we do for the glory of God. We should not have an environment at home where
our children are learning that it is only in church on Sunday that we do things for the
glory of God. We must teach our children
that in every sphere of life they must do all things in the service of almighty God. That is the way of God — the way of the
Scriptures.
How much time do you spend
training your children in the way of God? Do
you read your Bible with them, pray with them, listen to their questions and seek to
answer their questions? Are you at home
enough so that you are able to listen to your children and spend quality time with them? Is it not interesting that the houses that we
build today are far larger than the homes people had in the past. Yet, very often, those very large palaces are
empty. Home life is so little nowadays. That is sad.
To see a family sitting around a table daily to have family devotions, to eat
together, to pray together — what a delight and what a blessing! Yet, we find that that is not something that is
commonplace today, not even in Christian homes.
Do you take time to make sure
that your children know their catechism lessons, by reviewing the work with them? Does your church even have catechism classes for
these children, so that you might, during the week, instruct them, and so that you might
send them to these classes to continue to be instructed in the ways of God? After the worship service on Sunday, do you
discuss the sermon with them?
We focus on parental Christian
instruction because it is so important that we not forget this love for our children while
we zealously do the work of missions, loving the stranger and even loving one another in
the church of Jesus Christ. It all begins
here — do we take seriously our calling to teach our children the wonderful works of
God? Do we realize that we have been adopted
as the children of God and we know the gracious covenant of God so that now in turn we
look at these children and treat them as God has treated us?
God disciplines us, does He not? Do we discipline our children? God pities us, does He not? Do we pity our children? God loves us, does He not? Do we love our children? Is Christ the Head of our homes, or is it simply a
show piece, you know, like a plaque on the wall, “Christ is the head of our
home,” while we, as tyrants, seek our own whims and fancies, treating our children
with indifference or, worse yet, with hatred and sinful anger? Are we gone from the home so much and leave our
children for others to take care of, so that really our children are more a burden to us
than a blessing?
Train up the child in the way he
should go. Administer careful, loving
discipline to your children, so that indeed the purpose might be accomplished that your
child, your son or daughter, and perhaps also your children’s children, might
continue to walk in the way they should go, even the way of God through Jesus Christ.
God promises that if we train up
our children in the way they should go, then when they grow up they will not depart from
it. Even worldly psychologists know that a
child’s formative years are the ones that have the most lasting impact on a child. If a young child learns a certain way, when he is
old he will go that way. If children, at a
young age, learn the ways of God, as they grow older they will not easily depart from
those ways. They will tend to walk that way. Not always. But
as a general rule. Oh, they might loudly say
that it is not the way they want to go. But
ultimately they will go that way. For God is
pleased to use godly Christian parenting for the gathering of His own. That is the way He is pleased to gather His church
— even in the line of generations.
This is not a blanket statement,
that if we do our part, God will do His part, as if somehow salvation depends on us. We must be careful with that, you know. Sometimes, even though we faithfully raise a
child, he might turn out to be ungodly. God
does not promise to save each and every one of our children. The important thing is that we must have a good
conscience before God, that we have trained up our children in the fear of God. For God does promise that in that way He is
pleased to gather His people. Then, if it
does not please God to save all of our children, if some of our children walk in the way
of rebellion, we must not be crushed. Even
then we must continue to pray for our children. Who
knows if that child is a prodigal who will yet return?
Who knows if that child will not in later years remember the things that he learned
in his formative years and turn in faith and repentance?
For, you see, this is usually the way that God is pleased to save His children. This is the way, through godly Christian
parenting, through training, that He gathers His children in the line of the covenant.
Maybe you will be a great
grandfather with a cane or on a bed of affliction, and then you will have these children
and grandchildren sitting around you singing the praises of God. What a blessing and what a joy. May we, who have brought our children for baptism,
walk in that consciousness and remember our vows. May
we remember that the promise is to us and to our children.
And may God give us grace to train up our children in the way they should go, so
that when they are old they will not depart from it.
Let us pray.
Father, we thank Thee that Thou
dost give to us and to our children Thy precious promises in Jesus Christ. And we thank Thee for that awesome calling that
we should train up these children in the way they should go. We commend our children, O Lord, to Thee, the
precious heritage of the Lord. Love them and
be gracious to them. Help us parents that in
the love of God we may love our children and train them for Jesus’ sake, Amen.